So when I think about my death, I think about what will be said at my funeral.  At every funeral they always say a bunch of nice things about the deceased.  They say how nice he was, how great of a family man he was, how he’s now walking in the presence of God, etc. etc. etc.

But how much of it is ACTUALLY true?  A lot of people have secrets, and sometimes those secrets never come to light.  I can’t help but think a lot of times things are being said at a funeral because they are supposed to be said.  Especially when they say stuff like “God’s watching over him now.”  Truth be told, most of the people I know do not live life in a way that exemplifies their faith (including myself).  So do we really believe the deceased is in God’s presence when God wasn’t present during life?

When I die, I want everything that is said at my funeral to be the ABSOLUTE TRUTH.  I want them to say I lived a good life, that I loved my family and friends and took care of them as much as I could, and that I influenced the world in a positive manner.  Most importantly, though, when they say I’m walking in God’s presence in the afterlife, I want the way I lived to leave no doubt that this is indeed true.  I want them to say I did God’s work.  I want people to say they saw the God in me.  I want to walk in His footsteps.

But let’s be real – if you know me you know this isn’t the case.  I admit I indulge in ungodly things.  I drink to excess, I have a foul mouth, I lust after women, I’m not necessarily humble (but it’s hard to be when you’re good looking and good at life).  At the end of the day, I seek to fulfill my wants and desires before fulfilling what God wants for me. 

This is something I’ve always struggled with and will continue to struggle with, because at this present moment in my heart of hearts I really do enjoy the ungodly things I indulge in.  But if I’m going to live the life I want to live and be remembered for what really counts, then I need to make some changes.  I need to put God first, not me.  Now, I’m not trying to be a Bible thumper and be like “You’re going to heeeellllll!!!!” to everyone who doesn’t share my Christian beliefs.  But if I can bless people’s lives just by living by example, then I think I’ve done His work.

Me and the fellas used to sit in the cafeteria/atrium and just watch all the cute women that walked by.  There were soooo many attractive females that would just pass through the hospital on a daily basis.  But there was one lady in particular that we all wish we could see everyday.  She was a doctor (dermatology) and she was FINE.  And she had a naked ring finger.  Wonder if that’s still the case.

I think Labor and Delivery and Post-Partum had the cutest nurses overall.  I remember I used to jock this one Vietnamese nurse that worked in Med/Surg though.  For the first 3 years I worked there, I had a legitimate crush on her.  Then one summer I ran into her at a club and she was getting kinda ratchet because she was going through a divorce.  I ended up pulling her number but I never made anything happen.  I think a big part of it was that when I saw her at the club, she couldn’t really dance, and it ruined it for me.  Looking back at it I should’ve made it happen anyways.  I think I was barely 20 at the time, and to hook up with an older chick with an actual career would’ve been a great story.  *Sigh*

I used to slap box my homeboy “E” in the warehouse (which was more of a supply room, really) and I got my ass kicked every time for the most part.  E was faster and a smarter fighter.  One time, though, ONE TIME I got his ass GOOD.  But then he got crunk and instead of slapping he kind of stabbed at me with an open hand, so when he caught me he stabbed me with his nail.  He even drew blood.

Our boss was rather tall for a female (5’9” ish) and had red hair, so we used to call her Big Red.  She didn’t like that for some reason.

In the warehouse we had rolling shelves, and one time I hid on top of them from our boss.  When she saw me up there she wasn’t too happy…we were laughing our asses off though.

We used to ride the pallet jack down the loading ramp.  That mug went pretty fast.

One time we turned off all the lights in the warehouse and played flashlight tag.

We invented a game called Bandy Ball.  It changed our lives….and killed our productivity.

There was this one physical therapist that was always wired and seemed like she was on something.  We called her Crazy Crack Lady, and every time she needed something she would tell you why she needed it.  “Hey can you bring some 4×4 gauze to PT, I looked and there’s none there, and we need some for this patient, yeah he just checked in yesterday, and today I have to re-dress his wound, he was in a motorcycle accident, and now I have to re-dress the wound on his arm, and I just checked and there’s no gauze in the cabinet, so if you could bring some to PT as soon as you could that’d be grreeeaat.  Thanks!”

One of the guys I worked with….you know what?  I’m not going to put that story out in the public forum.  But if he reads this he’ll know I’m talking about him hahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Man I could go on for days.  But I’ll stop now.

I have an immense respect for so many of my friends, and there are a bunch of people I know doing amazing things with their lives.  I’m reminded of this every time I check Facebook and Twitter.  I have friends that own their own dance studio, another who travels around the world making videos for a living, another who’s probably one of the youngest energy traders in the industry, another who just moved to Australia for a great opportunity, another going to school at Columbia, friends living it up NYC/Chicago/LA, etc. etc.  I see pictures from all over the world of my friends’ travels – Hong Kong, Singapore, Japan, Hawaii, London, Rio, Chile, etc.  These are my peers, and I’m proud of what they’re doing for themselves.  It’s impossible to settle for mediocrity when you see all of these great things on a regular basis.

Which leads me to my ego.   Deep down, if I’m really being honest, I don’t want to be average.  When I leave this world, I want to have left my imprint.  This is one reason why I want to hop out the Matrix.  If I never existed, someone else would be doing this desk job, and the world would never notice.  In the Matrix, I am replaceable.  I want to do more, because I feel like I’m capable of more.  To use an exaggerated example to make my point, imagine how different the world would be if Diddy never existed.  Think about that statement for a second and let it sink in, because it is entirely true – the world would be different without Diddy.  No Sean Jean, no “take that take that remix”, no Bad Boy, no Biggie. 

How different would the world be without you?  Would it even matter?  I want to matter.  Maybe not to the extent Diddy or Elvis or MLK matters, but I still want to influence the world around me.  This is my motivation.  What’s yours?

Bonus:

We’re currently looking at real estate listings for the store location and there are some pretty exciting prospects available.  We’re also in the process of finding/hiring an architect.  All this will be determined in a month’s time.  Soon as that’s done, all there’s that’s really left to do is build the store, order the product, launch the website, and……..open our doors for business.

We’re getting closer.  Much has been accomplished in three months, but there is still much to do in the next three months in order to get this popping by the scheduled start date.  But we doing it…..yeah, we doing it.

“The Matrix” is a term we use to refer to the corporate world or a “normal” job, and I credit my friend Will Brannon  for coining it in this sense.  The Matrix provides a steady paycheck and security.  Often it provides health benefits and a retirement plan.  As long as you’re not an idiot with your money you don’t have to worry about anything.  The Matrix also sucks big, hairy monkey balls.  All of my friends who work a corporate job complain about it, even if they like what they do.  We’re all tired after we get off of work, even though all we do is sit on our asses all day.  The Matrix sucks the life out of you.

The sad truth is the overwhelming majority of people do NOT like their job.  Most tolerate it, many even hate it.  Why do we CHOOSE to live like this?  Why do we CHOOSE to spend the majority of our lives doing something we don’t really care about?

I can’t accept this way of life any longer.  Truth be told I was getting comfortable in the Matrix.  I have decent hours and don’t work much overtime, good pay (especially considering how much effort I actually put in), and I can pretty much afford to do most of the things I want to right now.  But for 8-10 hours each day I am sitting in a place I don’t want to be at, doing something I don’t really want to do, when I could be doing so much more with my life.  It’s time to hop up out the Matrix.

Last Monday I got the wake up call (i.e. email).  Investor relations at the company I work for sent out a notice that we are being bought out in a merger.  Although the deal won’t be done for several months, I am fairly certain I will lose my job.  So a decision had to be made.  I could choose the Blue Pill, get my resume ready, look for another IT audit job, and stay in the Matrix.  Or I could pick the Red Pill and open up my own business like I’ve been wanting to for the past 3 years.  I choose the Red Pill.

Hopping out the Matrix isn’t easy, and that’s probably a big reason why most people don’t do it.  Even Neyo got his ass kicked during training when he first stepped out.  Starting a business takes planning and money, but more importantly it takes discipline and commitment to stick to the plan that’ll make the business possible.  Setting goals are easy – doing the dirty work to achieve goals isn’t.  I am, however, ready to put in work.  The initial cost estimate and business plan has been drafted.  I cut off my cable to save money.  I’ll be taking bartending classes next month because I’ll need a night gig while the store gets off the ground, and if I start bartending while I’m still working the corporate J.O. the extra cash will be helpful.  I ain’t just bloggin’ about it, I’m bein’ about it.

I know being a store owner does not necessarily translate into a lucrative profession.  Best case scenario the shop pops off and we open stores in Austin, LA, Chicago, NY, etc.  Worst case scenario I work the shop everyday, but at least I’m working for myself.  If the shop fails, at least I’ve developed the experience and know-how to be self-employed so that I don’t have to resort to the Matrix ever again.

Like I said, this blog is really going to serve as a reminder to myself of what I’m working for.  The work is already underway, I just have to stay committed.  However, if you’ve read this far, I hope this post also inspires and encourages you to do whatever it is you fucking want with your life.  This is your life.  LIVE IT.

I suppose to a certain extent the Swag Revolution is a positive thing. It’s good that people are feeling good about themselves. But just cuz you’re sagging in your skinnies doesn’t mean your swag has automatically been turned on. (And to further this point, some people should realize the amount of sag does not automatically translate to an increase in swag. Yes, I have slim jeans and yes I sag myself, but there are limits to how low your pants should go. But I digress.)  Suffice it to say, swag does not equal style.

Style is more than just dressing well. It is the ability to take relevant fashion trends and flip them in such a way that is truly personal and distinct from the crowd, and yet it still “works”.  To dress well all you need to do is have money and copy what you see in magazines and advertisements.  Style is more personal.  Dressing well is a reflection of how well one keeps up with fashion. Style is a reflection of one’s self.

Add Class to this idea of Style and the result of this equation is how I define Grown Man Steez.  Swaggin and stuntin is all good and fun, but that’s done to show off to other people.  Cats on their Grown Man Steez already know who they are, so they do it for themselves.

Do I think I have Style?  No.  But in 2011 and moving forward that will be what I’m working towards.

Pic via donclothing.com

Pic via askmen.com

Pic via sartoriallyinclined.blogspot.com

Pic via thesartorialist.blogspot.com

Pic via streetetiquette.com

I was having another one of these conversations with a good friend this evening, when he gave me an anecdote that kind of put things in perspective. He’s actually told me parts of this story before, but we never discussed details. Without putting all of his business out on the world wide web, suffice it to say he hit a rough patch with someone he cared about, so rough this person wanted him to die. For months he would try to contact this person, only to be ignored. On the rare occasion he was able to make contact, it would end up in arguments so heated they would nearly come to blows. Nevertheless, my friend persevered, and despite the obstacles things eventually returned to normal.

Why would anyone go through all that stress, all that trouble, for months on end? There are some things in life that can’t be achieved until you abandon all other prospects and fully invest in that one thing. At some point when you really know what you want, you have to put all your eggs in one basket. This is exactly what my friend did. At the time he and I were not that close, but I’m sure he had homies telling him to let it go. I know I would have. But when it comes to certain matters of the heart there is no compromise and no giving up.

So, now that things are in perspective, I know how to proceed…and I only have one basket.

1. How come the average size of a man’s wang differs across different races? A: Genetics
2. How come the average breast and hip size of a woman differs across different races?  A: Again, genetics.
3. How come Vietnamese girls are the ones who are more likely to get breast implants?  A: They’re more superficial and more willing to spend money on fake boobs.  Also, Viet guys tend to spoil their gf’s, so they may buy the boobs for their girl.
4. How come Koreans girls are more likely to get surgery on their face? i.e. double eyelids? A: It’s part of Korean culture.  It’s basically expected that you get your eyes done by the time you graduate college.  Kinda like how we’re expected to get a license at age 16 (shout out to Minh).
5. How come a lot of White people often walk  without shoes? A: Cuz they grew up in suburban America where it’s clean and safe to walk around barefoot.  Fuck around and walk barefoot in the hood and you’ll probably step on glass.
6. How come a lot of Korean guys and Mexican guys like to be super douchey and overprotective of their significant others? A: They’re insecure, and all their fathers are assholes like that.
7. How come Asians like their karaoke?  A: Because it’s fucking fun.
8. How come a lot of Latinos hang out in the front of their house? A: It’s not Latinos that hang outside their house, it’s people from lower-income households, regardless of race.  For an example of non-Latinos hanging outside, watch the movie Friday.
9. How come a lot of White people say, “WOOOOOO!” when they’re drunk? A: Specifically, drunk white girls.  It’s a signal to the hunters that the prey is ready for the taking.
10. How come Filipinos seem to always roll deep? A: Because we do.
11. How come Filipinos spell certain things with a Ph or a F or P.  I’m always confused as to which one to use.  A: http://tagaloglang.com/The-Philippines/Language/filipino-tagalog-pilipino.html
12. How come we (Asians) always seem to place Chinese and Koreans at a higher social status in the Asian ladder of coolness.  Ok, using Yao Ming as a reason isn’t legit. Haha. A: Filipinos are the coolest Asians.  It’s scientifically proven.
13. Why do us jungle Asians have the most issues with the law? A: We like doing hood rat stuff with our friends.
14. How come Filipinos and Blacks are naturally better dancers? A: Referring to my earlier point, we’re naturally cooler.  I also want to point out that Filipino and African-American cultures have a lot of similarities.  I may have to blog about this later.
15. How come White people love getting darker (tan), while everyone else is trying to maintain the lightest color as possible…but not too light or we look sickly.  A: Because in most other cultures the working class is dark.
16. How come Vietnamese and Mexicans both like cilantro, green onions, and lime? A: Teenage pregnancy.

Make sure you check out Tawn’s blog for the full list of questions.